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2003-07-16 - 3:30 p.m.

Last time I mentioned a disturbing conversation with a friend. The other day Vero and I went out to dinner with a mutual friend and former traveling buddy. We're gearing up for another road trip (the three of us) that has been in the talking/planning stages since Christmas. So he comes out with this:

"I'm not going."

We asked, "Why?!" This was especially shocking for Vero as she relies on him as a very close friend and recently he had seemed to be pulling away from us. She was looking forward to the opportunity to reconnect with him.

First he says it's the money, which is understandable, but then he says, "Because I don't feel comfortable around you as a couple."

I for one was highly offended by this. First of all, we aren't different people because we're together. Second, he knew both of us before so it isn't like he's having to get to know a new person. Third, he's gay, too! Fourth, our true friends should be happy for us, not eaten up with envy and bitterness. I told Vero later that there are enough pressures in this society trying to drive us apart - that we don't need "friends" to do the same. I was really angry.

Vero has tried to put the best face on it, saying that she understands that he is unhappy because he's single, etc. but I don't buy it. That's no excuse to try to make us feel bad for being happy together. When we were still teaching together and felt that we had to be totally secretive there was another secret couple at our school. They let everyone in on the secret later and I remember that time as being one of mixed emotions for me. I was very happy for them because they are both so sweet and good. But I was unhappy with society because Vero and I couldn't tell everyone our secret. This may sound like the same kind of envy, but I never wished them ill or felt jealous of or uncomfortable with their happiness. I just wished we were in the same situation.

And I am certainly no saint.

Anyway, maybe I'm being too sensitive. Or maybe I'm not. All I know is he is coming to dinner tomorrow and I have promised Vero to be nice to him (people really do fear me when I'm angry because I can be quite the mean person --- I know you are all startled and amazed to know that). He's also getting a second chance, but I know he's going to say no. If he does as far as I'm concerned it's his loss ---- but I feel bad for Verona.



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