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2004-11-12 - 8:08 p.m.

I got to see part of my favorite movie today, Out of the Past. I was flipping around channels and there it was. I love that movie - sometimes I get so caught up in the nowaday that I forget how much I love the past. So now that I've been reminded, I'm sitting here listening to Real Gone by Tom Waits and thinking about the upcoming holiday. The car ride to east Texas where my relatives live always seem like a trip back in time. Vero and I have been talking about how weird time is --- how unutterably strange it is that time passes. I can remember exactly what it's like to look around the table and see my great aunts and great uncle, the one who liked to bet on the horses, and my grandparents ... I remember what it's like in my other grandma's house - the couch you sink into, the smell of her cigarettes, the wood-burning stove and the big window that looked out into the scary woods, the water tower with the sheets of ice hanging off it ... all of that. And it's all gone. Why can't you move back and forth in time the way you can in space?

Anyway, today we had drug dogs at school. Yesterday a kid threatened two teachers and today he was back in class. Monday a student was discovered to have written a nicely detailed plan to kill all of us. Oh yes ... No Child Left Behind will most assuredly fix all of that.

Tomorrow I'm giving an inservice. In a way I'm looking forward to it, but it also means a chunk of my precious weekend gone. If you're a Social Studies teacher you might see me at the local regional education center on the morrow. I'll be the good-looking one.

I had a tiny little melt-down when I got home and opened my bank statement. When I look at my balance and try to figure out how I'm going to afford Christmas this year, I get a little pissed off thinking about all the 12 and 14 hour days I work and the piles of work I bring home each and every weekend and every holiday. It's so fucking unfair that I have to work so hard and yet make so little.

All of my entries lately are so negative. I'm not really a negative person. Sarcastic and mean, perhaps, but not negative. It's just that work really irritates me right now, and it's such a huge part of my life that it overwhelms everything else when I let it.

Verona ran her second marathon last Sunday. She ran it in just over 5 hours. I'm so impressed by her. Paulson and I met her at spots along the way to offer encouragement and cheers - it was fun.

I haven't been able to read anything lately. I have no attention span at all - I just listen to TV or radio or music. I also haven't written anything worthwhile lately.

I'm going to find another job.



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